you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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