i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I faked an abortion last night.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize