I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I have fence marks all over my body
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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