Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
