Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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