Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I need a burrito and a hug.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
