The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
