There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
