I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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