I cannot find my penis.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
