So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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