I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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