you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He? As in you personified your dick?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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