I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
