i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
