I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
