i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
