she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The beer is more important than you right now.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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