i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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