Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
