he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
