Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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