I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
