You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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