Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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