i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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