i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
