How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
