There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
