you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
