no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
