whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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