I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
