Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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