On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Church boner. Awkwardddd
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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