if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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