The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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