She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Randomize
