I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
It's no shave November. This is our time.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
