fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
