Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
