During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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