you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
