Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
