one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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