how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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