it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
