margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
