I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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