I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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