Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
