I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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