Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
