I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
