i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
