First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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