They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Randomize
