Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
