1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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