No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
