Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
