low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
