Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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