I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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