broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
