I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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