apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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