I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
