my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
