this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
