come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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