yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It was a blind-side dick pic.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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