Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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