do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
