mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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