I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
