Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
