So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You ruined the universe
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
